Tuesday, August 17, 2010

When my child goes away

I suppose every parent that finds themselves pondering their kids leaving home at some point starts realizing all the things that will change suddenly and perhaps all the things they did wrong.
I've starting going through this long list of things I wish I'd done different or just things I wish I had done or maybe not done.
Should have cooked more meals
Should have eaten said meals at table and not in front of TV
Should have made her fathers be more involved
Should have found a better male role model she could look up to
Should have not let her sleep so late
Should have not let her stay out so late
Should have not given her money when she asked sometimes
Should have gone over budgets and expenses better
Should have traveled with her more
Should have shared my spiritual beliefs better
Should have made her keep playing piano and balafon
Should have taught her more about kindness
Should have made her clean up more after herself
Should have explained how boys and men are mainly interested in one thing without dissing the whole lot of em
Should have explained how girls can be very cruel
Should have made more opportunities for her to know her cousins that live in other places
Should a would a could a...

I'm quite sure I did some things right but they are not coming to me at this moment......

I'm just gonna pretend she is away at camp for a while.

I've heard from several people that I will "LOVE" it when I become an empty nester.
This may be more true for people that are married or in relationships. Right now it just feels like I'll be more alone than ever.
poor me :(
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
OK - I'll think of the positives..
I won't have someone living in the house that talks back and is at times a major smartass
I won't have to hear "Mom, I'm not stupid!!" in one breath and "Mom, why won't you help me?!" in another
I won't have to think about what someone else wants to eat.
I won't have to pick up after someone else
I won't have to clean the toothpaste out of the sink
I won't have to use liquid plumber regularly to clean the cut hair out of the sink
I won't have to stay up wondering what time the said teen will be home
I won't have to hand out $20 to ensure that said teen will get out of house and not be bored
I won't have to loan out my car or have my gas being run out of car
I won't have to get into my car after teen drives it and turn down the music at full volume
I won't have to explain again that it is my car and I pick the music
I won't have to explain that it is my house and my rules

Oh but I will miss
the sweet sleeping baby girl with her blankee
the laughter
the dancing in the kitchen w friends
her friends coming over
the hugs
taking care of a vulnerable sick child
"I'm home mommy"
the genuine inquiries
having dinner out and just talking for real
playing with the dogs
walking to my moms for Sunday lunch
going to hear music
traveling to different places
finding a song we both like
having her friends over for parties
seeing her art
looking at her work
seeing her happy
having her tell me something she did that day
just knowing she is here in the house

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